How Barack and Michelle Obama Worked on Their Marriage After Leaving the White House

In a new interview, Barack revealed how his two-term presidency strained his relationship with the First Lady.

By Chelsey Sanchez Published: Nov 23, 2020 1:35 PM EST Save Article

london, england may 25 us president barack obama and first lady michelle obama arrive at winfield house, the residence of the ambassador of the united states of america, in regents park, on may 25, 2011 in london, england the 44th president of the united states, barack obama, and first lady michelle are in the uk for a two day state visit at the invitation of hm queen elizabeth ii last night they attended a state banquet at buckingham palace and todays events include talks at downing street and the president will address both houses of parliament at westminster hall photo by yui mok wpa poolgetty images

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In his newly released memoir, A Promised Land, former president Barack Obama revealed how being in the White House strained his marriage with his wife, Michelle Obama. Now, in a new interview with People, Barack further discussed the stress that Michelle was under and how the two reconciled after leaving the White House.

According to Barack, his marriage troubles were "the truth of our time in the White House," adding that "Michelle very much believed in the work I did but was less optimistic about what I could get done." He also told the outlet, "She's more skeptical about politics and more mindful of the sacrifices to the family."

While the former First Lady was more cognizant of the familial and political stressors, Barack said, "I tend to be 'uh, that'll be fine,' and I worry a little bit less, just temperamentally."

Still, the former president said that their relationship survived the eight years in the White House. "I think we came out of it whole. There were great joys in the White House," he said. "There was never a time where we didn't recognize what an extraordinary privilege it was to be there. Most importantly, our children emerged intact and they are wonderful, kind, thoughtful, creative—and not entitled —young women. So that's a big sigh of relief."

chicago november 04 us president elect barack obama stands on stage along with his wife michelle and daughters malia red dress and sasha black dress during an election night gathering in grant park on november 4, 2008 in chicago, illinois obama defeated republican nominee sen john mccain r az by a wide margin in the election to become the first african american us president elect photo by joe raedlegetty images

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Barack Obama stands onstage along with Michelle and daughters Malia and Sasha during the 2008 election night gathering in Chicago, Illinois.

Even so, he continued, he knew things needed to be put back on the right track between him and Michelle. "But, during the time we were there, Michelle felt this underlying tension," he said. "The pressure, stress, of needing to get everything right, to be 'on' at every moment. . There were times where I think she was frustrated or sad or angry but knew that I had Afghanistan or the financial crisis to worry about, so she would tamp it down."

Things got better once his two terms came to a close. "It was like a big exhale right after we left office," he said. "It took some time to talk about how she had felt. … Once [the presidency] was done, there was possibility of her opening up . but more importantly just her being able to let out a breath and relax."

He continued, "You know the old adage, 'If mom's happy, everybody's happy'? It very much applies in our household."

Going further, he revealed that Michelle "has been more relaxed and more joyful since we left office," and "that allowed us to just enjoy the deep love that comes with a marriage this long. But also to be friends again."

Daughters Malia and Sasha Obama, now both college students, are also able to relax. "Now that [our daughters] have turned out pretty good," Barack said, he and his wife can "laugh and goof off and have more time with each other."

Digital Associate Editor

As an associate editor at HarpersBAZAAR.com, Chelsey keeps a finger on the pulse on all things celeb news. She also writes on social movements, connecting with activists leading the fight on workers' rights, climate justice, and more. Offline, she’s probably spending too much time on TikTok, rewatching Emma (the 2020 version, of course), or buying yet another corset.